By Olivia

In second Nephi there is a scripture that reads: "Wherefore, ye must press on with a steadfastness in Christ, with a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life." 

When I think about this scripture, I feel more determined and more accomplished and capable. When we go through harder times we can remember these words because enduring to the end is the only way to get through it. The only way through is through, because you can't go around time, you just have to flow with it. You either endure it well, or you can feel sorry for yourself. I'm going to go through this scripture and explain how we can see elements of endurance in it.

". . . with a perfect brightness of hope. . ." This phrase right here is a perfect explanation of great faith. Faith is defined as "A hope for things which are not seen." Great examples of this are children waiting for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, waiting for the Second Coming to happen, and even setting goals are an act of faith. Faith is another way to endure to the end well.

". . . and a love of God and of all men. . ." When we are going through a difficult time, the best thing we can do is to be grateful for the things Heavenly Father has given us, and continue to communicate with him and to listen to him. Sometimes, one of the best things we can do is to reach out to our families and friends and share with them what you're going through. It's guaranteed that you will receive love and support from your loved ones. Next, look for ways that you can show Christlike love to everyone else around you. Some of the most admirable people in the world are the ones who use what they're going through to help other people who may be going through a similar trial. One person who we all know was a magnificent example of this. Jesus was born to pay the ultimate sacrifice. Throughout his life, he didn't have a home, just traveling on foot, he was rejected and spit upon by so many people, but he continued to show love to everyone, especially the ones who hurt him the most.

" . . .feasting upon the word of Christ and endure to the end . . ." I have been told many times, "Endure to the end and endure it well." When trials arise, one of the best ways to endure is to do it prayerfully. Ask with sincere intent, and you will receive an answer. Continue to thoughtfully study the scriptures and ponder the words of the prophets and follow them to break through the challenge.

-Olivia

Long time no see...

August 2014 ~BLOG POST UNDER CONSTRUCTION~

It's been a long long time.  I have been meaning to get back to this thing.  Life is just crazy.

Since my last post we have moved to and back from Alabama.  It was awesome and horrible all at the same time.  Long story short, we met some amazing people, made lifelong friends, shared the gospel that means so much to us, got swindled and chastised by doctors who know nothing, and got (figuratively) kicked in the teeth a lot by the lovely employees/service members of the lovely Fort Rucker.  It feels like we were there longer than 9 months, but it also kind of feels like it never happened.

I really should write it all down for posterity's sake.  We saw a lot of miracle and we have experienced one of the hardest years our lives together have seen.

Today, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.  Now that we are back (since May), we have been working on finding a house.  It's been a long road because we weren't so lucky when we were trying to find an acceptable lender.  Ugh, it was awful.  We finally found one along with a realtor who came highly recommended to us by a good friend.  Now we are finally getting to where we can actually walk into some homes and check them out.  I am staying at my mom's with the kids and my husband is staying at my brothers during the work week.  I gotta be honest... it's been challenging.  I love my mom, love her help, love her friendship, but I miss my husband so much.

Alabama: August 2013- April 2014
~BLOG POST UNDER CONSTRUCTION~

We've had an incredibly eventful week. BJ and I prepared for our move, got everything ready.  Things went fairly smoothly.  We had a ton of people come to help us load the truck on Monday night and then we wrapped things up Tuesday.  That seems like forever ago.
Wednesday, we wanted together an early start on the road.  We slept in a little bit. Woke up, tried to get things going and everything went wrong.

I mean everything.

It quickly became apparent to us, that we were being sabotaged.  For some reason, we were not supposed to leave on Wednesday.  I looked at BJ around 11 AM and said, "This doesn't just happen.  We just aren't supposed to leave today."  At first, I said it in disbelief and exasperation.  By 3 PM we had accepted it.

Ethan was struggling with his asthma.  It wasn't normal at all.

Freaky February

Feb 2011
-Pregnant with Allison
(I never did finish this blog, but didn't want to lose the memories in retrospect)

I can't believe how fast this month is starting to fly! I have so many social engagements my head is spinning like a plate on a stick at a Greek party.

It makes me tired to think about it. Then again, it is only 1:30 in the morning.

BJ went to visit his parents to spend some long overdue one on one with them. He had a great trip and I missed him like crazy! I'm such a baby. I bawled my eyes out the second day, mostly because I realized I don't think I could ever be a single parent, and also because I'm dreading this huge 1/2 year of separation so he can do his training. DREADING. My throat hurts just thinking about it. I have to keep telling myself, "This is right this is right and it will all be over before you know it. 6 years plus 2 years of inactive reserve really isn't really that long, right? Look how fast the last 7 years of marriage flew, eh?" Then I think, "ACK! He's going to be in the army for the second half of our marriage so far!" That's a crazy thought.
I think it's a little harder making this decision when you have a life under your belt that you're comfortable with and you know exactly what you're getting yourself into. If it weren't for that awesome companion of mine (holy ghost) I don't think I could have gone through with it. A baby! I'm such a baby I tell ya!

He has his first official day at the Army today and Sunday. Ugh. Sundays. He can't seem to get away from those secular responsibilities on that most important day. We both hate it. He says Sunday is usually his favorite day of the week because of the opportunity he has to attend church and just enjoy the spirit, etc. etc. Too bad that's not happening anymore lately. Crime doesn't stop on Sunday and unfortunately, people still die that day, fight that day, children get hurt, and someone has to be there to mediate and keep us all safe, but don't get me started on why the Army can't make their mandatory trainings on a Friday and Saturday instead. I guess I can see why, but still. He works. He had to take work off to go. So can everyone else. Okay, I'm done complaining--out loud anyway.

I wish...

(Post Written August 2012)

I have been feeling like my world is spinning as of late.  I think it has something to do with Olivia going to Kindergarten.  It's got me all sorts of nostalgic and sad.  I MISS MY BABY!  How did 5 1/2 years go by so fast!  I want them back!  I just looked over my blog to show Ethan pictures of himself when he was a cute, ridiculously chunky baby boy.  As I looked over those pictures I was hit with this wave of... I don't know what it's called.  I was sad.  I missed my life back then.  I also noticed how remarkably clean my bathroom was as Livi sat on the potty, and my house had peanut butter cookies in it and I didn't even notice.  I was actually smiling with them in the background... It's hard for me to remember what that was like.

I was looking at my Livi today thinking, "Man, that first year I just cherished and savored each and every moment insomuch that I felt like it would never end."  Now I feel like we've skipped the next 5 years and we are here, she's almost 6 years old, she reads like a 4th grader, and I feel like I need a rewind so I can stop and smell the roses!  Sometimes I wish progression wasn't a part of our existence.  I just want to freeze time and keep my kids little.  I want to go back over the last 3 1/2 years and enjoy it more now that I've figured out how to live a normal life again.

That's just not how it works.  Life is full of trials and hardships and blessings and wonderful memories and weaknesses and strengths.  And though, I look forward to what lies ahead, I look back and wish I could hold it all in my arms and snuggle it forever.  I wish I could rock my baby Livi at night while we listen to her music in that old nursery while I just enjoy the moment.  Not worrying about anything or anyone else.  Just enjoying being a mother to my beautiful baby.  Now life pulls me in every direction and I just wish moments like those were more often within my grasp for each of my children.

I wish I could go back to my chubby little Ebear to enjoy those adorable moments more, instead of the worry and post partum depression.  I wish I could go back and be more patient with my ever sweet Livi Boo in such a time of stress and trial (Food allergies changed everything when she was 2) and worry.  I wish I could play with him every day like we used to.  I wish I could see his charming mischievous grin more often, which has been clouded with fear and anxiety.

I wish anaphylaxis wasn't a part of my daily vocabulary.  I wish I didn't have to worry about things for the rest of my--and his--life.  I wish he didn't know what it was like to be gasping for air.  I wish he didn't have to grow up with this.  Oh, I wish it so SO MUCH.  I just want to protect him from all the meanies in the world.  I want to hold him close and keep him safe, but I have to let him go into the world.  I have to loosen the apron strings.  I'm just so terrified to do it.  I wish he could live carefree and eat cookies, and cheese sticks and gold fish crackers.

I wish I could keep my Allie Berry little. I wish I could snuggle her and love her for hours on end without interruption. I wish I could just sit and enjoy her sweet personality all day every day and still find the time to do what I have to around the house.  I wish I could bottle up her giggle and her words and hear her utter them over and over.  I also wish she'd stop flushing everything down the toilet. ;)

But life is crazy now.  I really do love it so much, but I miss everything at the same time.  I'm trying really hard to just live in these moments and enjoy it all while I can.  I try to put all the stressers in my life out of my mind so I can forget it while I breathe in and out every day and try to enjoy the moments.

I wish I were a better mom.

I wish I didn't worry all of the time.

I wish I was a better friend.

I wish I was more assertive.

I wish I wasn't such a bawl baby.

I wish my mom and dad could do it all for me.

Gosh.  It's so hard to be a grown up.

The big one

(Post written July 2012)

So, I struggle with anxiety now.  Like mega.  It's no secret and I don't really care that it's not because I just try to get through every day as happy as I can and stay close to the spirit.  It really is the only thing I can do to keep myself from going crazy.  And truth be told, if I can be there for my family in the best way possible, that's the most important thing.

Along with this comes nights of complete insomnia and itchiness, aches of every kind, but mostly just feeling like something terrible is going to happen.  The same feeling you get when you watch a scary movie and you get sick to your stomach, or like you're about to go on a super scary ride and you just got into the car and your slowly "click, click, click"ing up the track thinking, "I can't get off now!"

Yeah, times those feelings by about 1,000 and that's what anxiety feels like.  All your fears come crashing in on you and you feel like you want to jump out the window.

So the other night, I had anxiety hit me pretty hard.  We've had a pretty rough couple of weeks as far as stress is concerned.  Nothing really terrible really happened, just lots of stress and lack of sleep.  That's the perfect recipe for anxiety.

I went to bed with my hubby and his mom sent him a text (love you, momma!) asking him if he was alright.  I thought she must have heard about his accident at work (some old guy backed into him while he was driving through a parking lot).  But he said, "I dunno, probably just one of those weird "feelings" women get."  Texted her back, told her he was in bed and he was fine.

I wasn't fine.  He fell asleep and all of the sudden I started thinking. That's the problem with this mental stuff.  I think the heck out of things until I've thought of every scenario and imagined it happening to me or my family.  No wonder I struggle with this.

I thought, "Why did she have a bad feeling?  Was it because something will happen to BJ at work tomorrow?  What if there is a fire.  What if the terrorists attack us again.  What if someone sneaks into our house and steals my babies.  Are all the doors locked?  Are all the windows shut and locked?  Are the kids still in their beds?  Are they still alive in their beds?"  Pause crazy thoughts to think, "Maybe that's a premonition.  I better act on it."  and promptly get up to check on each child.  Make sure they are all warm.  Make sure they are all breathing.  Make sure they all go potty.  Come back to bed, relieved... slightly.

Then the thoughts start again.  "Maybe she had a bad feeling because the earthquake will hit tonight!"  So I started to think about how unprepared we are, and what if the house crumbled, Allie is in another room the kids are down the hall, what if we couldn't get to them... BJ would get called away with the Guard or the Police to go save everyone else in the area and I'll be alone with the kids.  Unprepared.  With food allergies.  And everyone else would be struggling, too.  Not just us.  I can't just run to a neighbor and say, "hey, my house fell down, can I use yours while my husband is off saving the world?"

and I couldn't sleep.

I wish I could say this was the only time I've had a sleepless night like this.  I really do.  It's ridiculous.

But it got me thinking about "The big one".  It really could hit any day.  It could hit as I sit here and type up this blog post.

I need to go shopping.  Yesterday.  And get prepared.  But that's a whole new post for another day.

So little time...

(Post written August 2, 2013--that's today)

I want to blog more, I just never ever have time anymore!  It takes a lot of dedication to get this thing going and I really do miss being able to do it.  I'd much rather blog than facebook.

So, a lot has happened since my last entry (undoubtedly, right?).  For starters, we are moving to Fort Rucker, Alabama for flight training.  FINALLY.  My husband will be a black hawk pilot.  I won't be posting a ton about that, simply for security reasons.  Yes, the blog is private, but you never know.

Also, we've had an addition to our family!  Michael Wesley Wright was born on January 26th.  He is such a sweet little social guy.  I love him so so so so much.  All of the kids are completely in love with him.  I'm so grateful to have such wonderfully amazing kids.  They are so loving, so kind, so thoughtful, so forgiving.  I am so blessed.

We had our family pictures taken a couple of weeks ago.  Here are some of my favorites.  There were so many good ones of the kids, I have a hard time choosing!  I hope you enjoy!   Maybe I'll get on the ball and actually post some of the goings ons in our lives.  I probably will now more because I will have no family around.

FAMILY!!!  I look at this and I can't believe we have 4 kids!  Wow.

Love.

She was stone cold faced.  This was the most smile we could get out of her.  So unlike her, but still such a beauty.

Sisters

Handsome, as always.

I can't get over how beautiful my girl is.  She is growing up WAY TOO FAST.

Don't you just want to eat him up?  He's such a sweet cutie face.  My little "bubbies"

Brothers

  

Best friends.  Oh man, he is smokin' in this pic!

Bedtime at the Wright's

10 PM: I go to check on the kids.  Ethan needs to go potty and Olivia is singing singing singing every word she knows, including but not limited to, "Happy Birthday, Lightning McQueen". While Ethan went to the potty, I laid down on his bed and closed my eyes for a second, listening to Olivia.

Me: "You know what, Livi?  It's almost Allison's birthday, which means, it's almost tomorrow.  You need to go to sleep, okay?"

Livi kept singing and without even skipping a beat or a pause to think, she sang: "But it's Lightning McQueen's birthday too-da-ay..."

Then Ethan came back in the room.  I still laid there with my eyes closed and he squished my cheeks gently and whispered very seriously: 

"Hmm. Squishy."

I opened my eyes and looked at him quizzically and asked: "Are my cheeks squishy?"

He said:  "Sometimes, people have squishy cheeks" -shrug- "My cheeks are squishy, too." Then he flashed me the biggest grin EVER--and promptly squished his cheeks.

And then I thought:

All I feel right now, is love.

Kids Pictures

When BJ left for OCS in January I had one of the other police wives do some pictures of the kids for me.  She is amazing!  I love how they turned out.  These are Olivia's 5 yr old pics, Ethan 3 1/2, and Allison is 6 months old here.  I love my babies.  They are all so beautiful.

My big girl!  I can't believe she's so grown up...

Mr. GQ-So handsome and charming.

Blue-eyed Beauty

Best Friends.  I'm so glad they love each other.