Last anniversary post

I know it's a little late getting it up here, but here is my last anniversary post. It's short, but sweet.
The first week we were married was so fun. Just the newness of it. Every night, for the first couple of weeks, BJ tickled me all the way to sleep. Really. Every single night. I remember thinking, "Hey, I could get used to this!" It was so sweet. He even told me that one of those nights, he was just looking at me after I'd fallen asleep and started the cry thinking of how much he loved me. That's the only time he's ever admitted something like that, and he'll probably kill me for posting it here, but it's one of my favorite memories, so here it shall stay.

(Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I cried because of my love for him--I'd have a lot of nickels. Just imagine how many more nickels I would have because I cry about how much I love my kids, too! Geez, that's a lot of nickels!)

Ambition

A couple of my favorite things about BJ is his incredible ambition and his self confidence. His ability to not only see his goals, but to really pull through and achieve them. He takes most things that people "dream" of doing. For instance, some might look at being a cop or a helicopter pilot and say, "Yeah, that would be cool, but, oh well. I could never do that." BJ is not like that. He looks at something that is so incredibly intimidating and studies it, figures it out, investigates it, and finds solutions to enable him to do what it takes to achieve his dreams or goals. He is by no means, a naysayer. He doesn't make excuses. He doesn't talk down on himself and recognizes the danger in it. He feels good about himself, likes to be comfortable and takes pride in his appearance and all things that surround him. He likes to look good, look and be professional, and he holds himself and speaks with confidence. He also ALWAYS sees things through. He is not a quiter. I admire these things in him so much, every day I marvel at him and wonder how to do that for myself. "[He] makes me want to be a better [woman]."-Jack Nicholson, As Good As It Gets

The "L" word

More "firsts". That is such a weird word... anyway, BJ and I were sitting on the couch in the dark (Do not try this at home single kids!), just talking--really. This was about a month or so after the trampoline (BJ confirmed it was, in fact, a trampoline we were laying on). He was holding my hand and started with that dreadful phrase, "I feel like we need to talk..." or something to that effect. Then he went on to again state that he had enjoyed our friendship and dating, that he thought I was an awesome girl--maybe I was weird, but that sounded like break up lingo to me--but then he got really nervous and jittery, a little shakey (if you know my husband, you know he is NOT like that. EVER.), and he said, "I really like you. In fact, I think I more than like you. I think that maybe... I love you." And again, he said it very matter-of-factly expecting no response. I DIDN'T EVEN SAY IT BACK! I just sat there like an idiot. In my mind I was thinking, "Do I really love this guy? Am I in love? How am I supposed to know these things?"

So, I started thinking of this thought I'd had a few years before this incident. About how much I love Christmas because it just leaves me with such a peaceful and loving and excited feeling. I told my teenage self, then, that when the right guy came along, he would make me feel like Christmas. I ended up staying the night at a friends house after this night and went to his house early the next morning. We were caravanning to some destination in Logan for some odd reason and he pulled over in front of the LTD station and waited for me to drive up. We finished up whatever errand we were doing and then I said that I'd see him later. Then he mouthed "I love you" as he was pulling away... and I felt like CHRISTMAS! I couldn't believe it.

So, over the next few weeks, I started thinking about how I felt when I was away from him, how I felt when I was with him, my instant reactions when we were together or saying goodbye, etc. Then I started to realize that I was actually falling in love with this guy. Whenever we were on the phone it was a natural thing for me to want to say, "Love you, Bye." and little things like that. I always always caught myself before actually slipping it out there because I just wasn't sure I was ready for the "L" word. I'd never dated anyone that I was comfortable telling that to. It was not something I threw around out there lightly.

Well, this one day he sent me a dozen roses at work, "Just because", and I loved it. I knew this was totally out of character for him and found out later it was inspired by a similar gesture made by his brother to his fiance'. She and I were talking about it at BJ's house and BJ came around the corner talking to Matt and I slugged BJ and said, "I love you!" and instantly cowered and thought, "Oh my gosh! Did I just say that out loud!?" Then I tried to hurry and change the subject hoping against hope he hadn't heard me. He didn't bat an eye. Didn't even flinch.

Then about a week later we were driving passed the temple (He lived right next to it), when he looked at me and said, "Sooo... you said something pre-tty significant to me the other day and I didn't even realize it." I knew exactly what he was talking about, but I still tried to feign my innocence. He said all cute and precotious-like, "Do you remember?" and I went red as a beet as I said, "YES! OKAY! I remember!" Then he just chuckled and took my hand and said, "Did you mean it?" I said, "Yes." Then he said, "Well, I love you, too." and it was over.

Back to the rememories! Sorry I won't be catching up with the missed entries. I'd be lying if I promised that, and I can't bring myself to do that. ;)

BJ and I are a blind date success story. It all started when I worked at Information Alliance and met Spencer Bushell (One of BJ's best buddies). Long story short, he introduced me to Ashley, who also worked there, who he ended up dating and then they broke up (And later, marrying). Right when they broke up, I had a break up of my own. I ran into Ashley just around the time all of these break ups were happening and we decided to start hanging out more. Little did we know we were starting an awesome best-friendship (Seriously, She is like a sister to me--which means a lot coming from me). One day, we went to a devotional at the USU spectrum. While we were there, Ashley saw a bunch of Spencer's friends and tried to point them out to me. I saw who they were, saw that one was actually a casual acquaintence of mine (Rich--also one of BJ's best buddies, whom I'd known for about 2 years at this point), and was surprised that I had never figured this out after being friends with Spence for somewhere around a year. BJ was also among them, though I don't remember seeing him at all. So, Ashley had the gears in her head turning and, I guess had told BJ about me. She pointed me out to him while I ran off to find someone. She asked him if she should set us up and he said absolulely yes he would like that. So she told me I should meet BJ, thought we'd be really good friends and wanted to set us up on a date. I told her I would, though I was totally not looking for a dating relationship right then. That was fine because she really thought that we'd just be good friends.

I actually remember this one time, at my house, Ashley was just there hanging out with me when BJ called her for something and after they finished their business she told him I was there and asked if he would like to talk to me. I was instantly nervous. She handed the phone to me and I heard his voice for the first time. I remember thinking he sounded really cute and was trying to picture in my head what he looked like. Our conversation was really short, he told me he was looking forward to meeting me on our date and we said goodbye. It was crazy awkward scary, but fun, and I was impressed by his casual nature and the way he easily had control of the conversation. Something I've really come to admire about him... a LOT.

So, we went on a date. I remember specifically that I wore barely any make-up, a ponytail, a baseball hat, my roommates holey jeans, a regular t-shirt and some sneakers. I was specifically trying not to dress up super cute. I walked in and met BJ, talked to the other boys, all of which I knew through random and various things. Seriously, it was a little creepy. BJ made us grilled cheese sandwhiches and we watched Willow. Then we went to a park to play games. We shared a car (The same car we drive now, actually) with Rich and his date. We were waiting at the park in awkward silence. Rich was trying to keep the conversation going because that's just how he is, but the awkwardness kept creeping in. So, I glanced around the car looking for something to do, maybe to help us get to know eachother better and the only thing I really saw was a small Quad lying in the center console of the car. So I picked them up and said, "Let's see who's more spiritual." BJ and Rich thrive on this "I know more scriptures and facts than you do" thing with each other. Even still, they do random trivia's every few years with eachother over email or FB. It's hilarious, actually because they both are hilarious. So, that was the absolute ice breaker in the car. We had some good laughs and the start of some interesting ideas and conversation, then we played night games with the other couples for a bit and then called it a night. I may be remembering some facts a little off, but anyway. That was our first date. I believe he gave me a hug before I left, and I wondered if he would want to go out again. I hoped that he would call or that the guys would at least invite me along next time they did something because I really enjoyed hanging out with them. The Beginning. (As opposed to "the end")

I think we're more than friends...

There was this one time BJ and I were in my parent's backyard laying on the trampoline--I think... it could have been a blanket on the ground. Anyway, we were laying there talking and looking at the stars that are so incredibly bright up there in the middle of nowhere (I'm talking about my good 'ol hometown, Lewiston, Utah). Somehow we started having a bit of a "DTR" and BJ said he was so glad he'd had the opportunity to get to know me better. I was thinking, "Uh, oh. Is he going to break up with me?" But then he said, "I really like you. I'm starting to think I more than like you." and it ended there. I loved how he said it because he wasn't looking for a response, he just let me digest it. He's always been good at that, too. Giving me my space when I need it. He's not a showy person, not too analytical, he's just down to Earth and real, so confident, no expectations. These were all the thoughts that ran through my mind at the time, and some of the things that make me admire him.

Hand holding

Today I decided to share a memory. This is fun! It makes me want to take a trip up to Logan with him and take a trip down memory lane. He did that once as a surprise by the way...
Anyway, here goes: I had a lot of reservations about our relationship because I was always questioning myself, but I wish I'd just taken more time to relish in the love that was blossoming. We'd go for walks all of the time between mine and Ashley's house (she lived a few block away from me in Logan). Every single time we took a stroll, he'd come up with some crazy thing to do. He's always been good at that kind of thing. So anyway, this memory isn't really like that, it just made me think of some of those funny things. The first time he held my hand in public when we were still pretty fresh in our dating relationship. BJ was super nervous and I was nervous because I still wasn't sure I wanted to announce to the world that we were a couple. But I let him take my hand on one of our walks. I remember how we were just walking together like buddies, but then he reached down to take it and the gesture made me all quivery and I felt my heart jump-start a little bit. We walked over to Adam's Park in Logan where we had planned to meet our friends, Spencer and Ashley (maybe Rich, too with a date). I was so nervous anticipating everyone's reaction because BJ hadn't ever had a girlfriend before. This was kind of a big deal to everyone. We built a fire in one of those fireplaces they have there and had some good food and some laughs (always good laughs, even now). BJ was instantly slapped on the back with "oooo's" and "aaaah's" by the boy(s) and Ashley was especially very excited to see us walk up holding hands, since she'd been the one to set us up in the first place. I was pleasantly surprised at how comfortable and excited I was to be a "couple". It makes me smile just thinking of it now. Good times.

The making of memoirs, er, memories.

I decided that every day our blog is dedicated to our anniversary this month (April 24th), I'm going to write something about my wonderful Husband and/or marriage. What better way to celebrate than to remember why we got married in the first place?
This is coming home from his mission in San Diego on April 25, 2002. We went on our first date exactly a year later.

So, "Reason's I love my Stud Hubbin" #1:

BJ loves the gospel, the Savior, the Spirit, and God. He loves to study the gospel. Like, more than anyone I've ever known, with the exception of maybe my Dad. He truly has a "Thirst" for it. It's the number one reason I continued to date him. Like, whenever he sits down to study, he's totally in his zone. He can't get enough of it. I love this about him. I noticed it early on in our relationship. He's like a sponge when it comes to any kind of learning, though gospel and scripture study have always been his favorite. I know without a doubt that he will always be steadfast. His goodness is irresistable to me. I'm so grateful to have such a spiritual leader for our family. How could I resist such a man?